Into the Woods

“Why? Why is it that men can never admit when they’re lost?”

“We’re not lost… I just need to get my bearings.”

“We’re definitely lost. In the woods. And the sun is going to set soon.”

“And oh, look—no phone signal. That’s great.”

“Okay, look—I was just trying to do something nice for us today. I thought—”

“No, you didn’t think! You didn’t think about bringing a physical map in case our phones lost signal. You didn’t think to bring bug spray or more than just a few granola bars for food.”

“Well, you didn’t either! You could have thrown some things in the backpack. Why is it always up to me to figure everything out?”

“Oh, yeah. Blame me. Naturally, I should have thought of a backup plan to your plans.”

“That’s not what I said! I told you we were going hiking, you could have prepared your own bag. I’m not in charge of everything.”

“Yeah, my bad. I thought since you’d planned this trip you knew what you were doing. ‘I’ll take care of everything.’ That’s what you said.”

“Look… I’m annoyed. And sweaty. And I’ve got a million bug bites. Let’s just try to get home. I have no idea which way we came from. Do you see anything that looks familiar?”

“We came in on the blue path. We’ve just got to find a tree with a blue tag on it. And then we’ll follow that until we get back to the main road.”

“How will we know which way we’re supposed to go on that? I mean, even if we find a blue path and we take it, it could be leading us further into the woods.”

“Okay, well, that’s the only plan I’ve got. Unless you can think of something better.”

“This is useless, we’re just walking in a random direction.”

“Great! Rain. This is… yeah, this is great.”

“Hey, come on, I think I see a little shelter or something. Over there.”

“What is this? Where are we?”

“I don’t know. Must be an old forest ranger station or something. It’s got a roof, so I’m not complaining.”

“Look, I’m—”

“You know, I’m trying my best, okay? Ever since you started this new job it’s all you can focus on, it’s like I don’t exist. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you.”

“Okay, but… hiking? We’ve literally never gone hiking before.”

“How dare we try something new, huh?”

“Oh, sarcasm, nice. Exactly what will make this situation better. I’m trying to apologize.”

“How did we get here?”

“If we knew that we wouldn’t be lost, would we?”

“No, I mean here… arguing all the time.”

“I don’t know. I guess… I don’t know. Maybe I… feel like your new job is more important than I am.”

“And maybe I feel like you resent me for uprooting our lives. I mean… my job… I love what I do. But I know it meant sacrifices for both of us. Mostly you. I know leaving the town you grew up in was hard…”

“It’s not about that. You know I’d do anything for you. And besides, I’ve wanted to leave that town since I was 15, you know that.”

“I’m sorry. For everything. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you weren’t important. You’re the most important thing in my life.”

“I’m sorry too… I really thought I knew which direction we were going.”

“God, I’m such an idiot. Why did I think this was a good idea? Why couldn’t I have taken us out to dinner or to a movie or—”

“What… was that for?”

“To get you to shut up.”

“Take off your shirt.”

“What, here?”

“Yeah, here. What else are we going to do until the rain stops?”

“Come here… I need you right now…”

“Bite my neck…”

“God, I’ve missed you so much.”

“Tell me. Tell me what you’ve missed.”

“The way your lips taste… your hands… your cock…”

“Yeah? You missed my cock?”

“Yeah… yeah, I want it… I want to you to make me feel good.”

“Oh god… keep going… your mouth feels so good… yeah, that’s right, right there…”

“Mmm, baby, finger me…”

“Fuck, oh my god, you’re good at that…”

“Yeah? You like that?”

“Mm, you taste good… lie down.”

“What?”

“I said lie down. Right now.”

“Ohhh… ohhh, fuck, right there… yeah, put your tongue… down, down. There…”

“I’m close, babe, I’m close— I’m going to cum, please don’t stop, please…”

“Cum for me, right here. I want to hear you scream.”

“Oh god, yes… yes. Keep working your fingers like that… and your tongue… oh god…!”

“That’s my girl, give it to me…”

“I need you inside me… right now…”

“Fuck, I love when you ride me… here, let me help… fuck…”

“Oh that feels so good, yes… yes… fuck, yes, it feels so good to have your thick cock inside me again…”

“Yeah, you like that? It feels good? It fills you up doesn’t it, baby?”

“Yes… yes!”

“Yeah, suck on my tits, please…”

“Mmm, come on, come on…”

“Oh, yes… I’m going to cum again… oh my god…”

“Cum again for me, baby, cum all over my cock, come on…”

“Squeeze my tits… fuck, fuck…”

“Yeah, that’s right, play with that clit for me, baby. Come on, cum for me… cum for me…”

“Come on, get on all fours, right now. On your hands and knees… let me finish in you…”

“Oh god…”

“Yeah, you like that?”

“Yes! Yes!”

“That’s right, be loud for me. Nobody can hear you, moan as loud as you want to… come on, baby.”

“Yeah, this pussy is mine, isn’t it?”

“Yes! Yes!”

“This ass is mine…”

“Yes, it is! God yes…”

“You want me to finger your tight little asshole while I fuck you? Huh? You used to love that. You want it?”

“Yes! Please, yes! Please finger me…”

“Oh, look who’s desperate. My desperate girl wants me to finger her ass while I fill her up? Is that what you want?”

“Ohh, yeah… yes…”

“Oh god… that feels so good… keep going, keep going…”

“Oh yes, fuck yes… yes…”

“Cum inside me please, please, please… fill me with your cum!”

“You’re going to cum again too aren’t you?”

“Yes, yes! Right there… don’t stop… keep going!”

“That was… unexpected…”

“Yeah…”

“Fuck…”

“What?”

“I can see my cum dripping out of you… it’s really fucking sexy.”

“Yeah? Snap a pic for me?”

“Alright, spread those cheeks nice and wide… ah, yeah, that’s the shot.”

“Let me see… damn. Yeah, that’s… that is really hot. Thank god for vasectomies.”

“Not exactly how I felt when I was having one but hey, this payoff is uh… yeah, definitely worth it.”

“Okay, I know we’re sweaty and wet and now covered in dirt and this is going to sound stupid but… can we just lie here a while?”

“Of course. Doesn’t sound like the rain is going to let up anytime soon.”

“Mmm… it smells so good. Look, I know it was far from perfect… I still have no idea how we’ll get back to the car once the storm passes… but this trip wasn’t so bad.”

“Want to make this hiking trip an annual thing, then?”

“Not a chance.”