Pleasure for Vulvas

Hi there. Welcome to “Orgasms For Vulva Owners”, written by sex educator Suzannah Weiss.

Suzannah has spent her career helping people, especially women, learn how to orgasm and expand their orgasmic abilities.

As a certified sex educator and sex and love coach, she teaches classes such as “Orgasms for Vulva Owners” and “Living Life Orgasmically” and works with people one-on-one to help them overcome sexual blockages and feel more pleasure.

Her insights are based on her training as a sex educator and somatic sexologist as well as the method she developed in her own life to go from never experiencing an orgasm with a partner to orgasming in every sexual encounter.

This episode is a general overview of orgasms for all of you out there with vulvas. Whether you’re an expert at achieving orgasms or just starting to learn about your body and its relationship to pleasure, this episode is for you.

We’re going to be talking about how to orgasm, how to make achieving orgasms easier, how to have more powerful orgasms, and how to enhance your orgasms overall.

A couple of things you’re going to need are a small hand mirror and your preferred lube.

Silicon, water-based, coconut oil, whatever you’d like.

If you don’t have a small, compact mirror, then you can use your phone’s camera in selfie view.

So, if you’ve got everything ready, let’s get started. If not, feel free to pause and take a few moments to get situated.

All good? Let’s go.

Before we get started with touching, let’s talk basics.

What is an orgasm?

At its core, an orgasm is a muscular contraction brought on by reaching your personal peak of sexual arousal.

During the lead-up to an orgasm blood is flowing to your genitals and tension is increasing throughout your body. When you reach your peak of sexual arousal, the body releases all of this tension in a serious of pleasurable contractions. Endorphins, which are chemicals that cause feelings of pleasure, giddiness, and even sleepiness, are released into the bloodstream.

Some people find it more difficult to orgasm than others, so if you’ve never had an orgasm or if it’s a rare occurrence for you, just know that you’re not alone.

Things such as stress, using drugs or alcohol, or a lack of knowledge about your body’s personal pleasure points can all contribute to difficulty achieving orgasm.

With all that being said, orgasms are not a necessary part of sexual satisfaction and fulfillment. Penetrative sex and clitoral stimulation produce pleasure despite if you reach climax or not. A lack of orgasm does not negate pleasure.

The easiest way to achieve better orgasms more often requires a bit of experimenting. This exercise today is going to include a deep dive exploration into your vulva in order to find the movements and locations you enjoy best. The more you know about what makes you feel good, the easier it will be to approach and achieve orgasm.

So, in order to understand our anatomy and the role it plays in pleasure, we need to take a closer look and get well-acquainted with the vulva.

The vulva, which encompasses all of your external genitalia, contains a few different body parts. I’m going to walk you through what each structure is and its role in sexual arousal and orgasm.

Open up your mirror or your camera and take a look at yourself.

The first thing you’re likely to see is the outer labia. These are the lips that are visible when you’re standing up—the ones that have pubic hair on them if you don’t remove it.

These can be touched, rubbed, or kissed as part of foreplay. Some people who are more sensitive like to use a vibrator on their outer labia, without spreading the lips. This can stimulate the clit indirectly and is a great start for people who find vibrating sex toys to be overwhelming.

If you spread apart the outer lips, you should see another pair of lips. These are called the inner labia. These are typically more sensitive than the outer labia and can be stroked with fingers, licked during oral sex, or stimulated with toys.

The inner labia, by the way, sometimes sticks out from beneath the outer lips for some people. Don’t worry—totally normal. Inner labia come in all different sizes.

Now, I want you to open up the inner labia slightly. You’ll see two different holes here, the first one being the vaginal opening at the bottom. If you haven’t looked at your opening before, you might be surprised by how small it looks.

Arousal and penetration cause this hole to stretch and expand.

Above the vaginal opening, you’ll see another tiny hole. This is the urethra: the hole you pee out of.

That isn’t its only function, however. This small area can be stimulated and produce a lot of pleasure for some people, ideally using lube and fingers.

Let’s move up just a little bit further to the area where the inner labia meet at the top. There, you’ll see a flap of skin known as the clitoral hood. You may not actually see the clitoris, though.

The hood covers the clitoris at least partially and sometimes fully. If the clit were constantly exposed, it would probably be a bit… uncomfortable.

If you lift the hood upward with your fingers, you may be able to see the clitoris itself. It might be barely visible, almost like a tiny bead. Or, it might be longer and protruding.

Everyone is different. And that’s okay.

I want you to just look at yourself for a few moments and appreciate yourself and your body for exactly how you look right now. Every body is beautiful.

Now, the majority of vulva-owners find clitoral stimulation to be the easiest way to orgasm. However, everyone’s nerves are placed somewhat differently throughout the body, so not everyone gets off in the same way.

Some people prefer penetration to clitoral stimulation. Some people’s clitorises are too sensitive to be touched, even over the hood.

Since pleasure is such an individual and subjective thing, we’re going to try a few different forms of touch to see what you enjoy most.

As we go through these touch sessions, I want you to rate each sensation. Make a mental note as you go along with which touches are your favorite and could potentially lead you to orgasm. You might also want to note which touches aren’t that enjoyable or don’t bring you much pleasure.

Okay, so, onto the touching exercise.

The first thing we’re going to do is to take one hand and gently run your fingers up and down your outer labia. This is the outer part of your vulva, remember, not inside. Don’t spread your lips open yet… just trail your touch along the outside.

Not everyone is going to find this super arousing. It will likely just feel like a gentle tease.

How was that? Take a moment to assess how that felt.

Okay, moving on to the inner labia.

Grab your lube and put a little bit on your finger. It’s okay if you’re not using lube right now, just make sure to use a light touch and stop if it becomes uncomfortable.

When you’re ready, run your finger up and down your inner labia on each side.

Notice how this feels. Does stroking one side feel better than the other?

Now, try making a full circle with your finger. Run it down your right inner labia…

Up your left inner labia…

Now touch above your clitoral hood, without touching your clit…

Then back down and up once again.

Let’s do this a couple more times, a little looser and more relaxed. Just run your finger in a circle over the whole vulva and notice how it feels.

Down your right inner labia… Up your left inner labia… Above your clitoral hood… And down once again.

Very good.

How did that feel? Maybe your clitoris wants to be touched? If so, relish the feeling of wanting that touch, but not having it just yet.

Teasing yourself and engaging in solo foreplay is a great way to achieve orgasms easier. Delaying climax will increase the sexual tension building up in your body and lead you to a more powerful orgasm.

Go ahead and rate stimulation of your inner labia.

Perfect. Moving on.

Now, let’s experiment with clitoral stimulation, which is what many women require in order to achieve orgasm.

Put a finger or two on top of your clitoral hood. Now, move them in slow, clockwise circles.

It should feel like you’re sliding the clitoral hood over the clitoris, rather than moving your finger over the hood itself.

How would you rate this feeling? Go ahead and take note or mark it down.

Now let’s try reversing the direction of our movements and doing the same thing with counter-clockwise circles. See if this feels more or less intense than going clockwise.

Now, how would you rate this feeling in comparison with clockwise movements? It might seem like there’d be little difference, but when it comes to achieving orgasm, every little detail counts.

Some people need to have very specific conditions in order to achieve intense pleasure.

Alright, let’s switch gears slightly. I want you to rub the clitoral hood from left to right now, instead of in circles. Place a finger or two on top of the hood, in the center if possible, and just move it gently from left to right.

That’s it…

Left to right…

You should still feel like you’re sliding the hood over the clitoris, rather than dragging your finger over the hood.

How would you rate that sensation?

Make a note of your rating and let’s move on to just a couple more clitoral movements.

This time, we’re going to go up and down. Use light, gentle touches, and just let your fingers drag your clitoral hood up… and down…

Let’s give that one a rating as well. At this point, you probably have a pretty good idea of which of these various touches you enjoy best.

Just to be thorough, let’s try one final movement. We’re going to finish this up with diagonal touches. Place a finger or two on the upper right corner of your clitoral hood and slide it slowly down to the bottom left.

Very good. Now, drag it slowly back up and to the right… And back down to the left again.

Perfect. How would you rate this sensation?

And finally… try this diagonal motion once more, but starting on the right as opposed to the left.

Perfect. How did that feel?

Of all the sensations we just tried—clockwise circles, counterclockwise circles, left to right, up and down, diagonal starting left and diagonal starting right—make a note of which felt best to you.

We’re going to come back to your favorite one later, so just keep your choice in mind as we move forward.

Alright, ready for something a little different? We’re going to try direct clitoral stimulation now. That is—touching your clitoris underneath the hood. If this is too intense for you, there’s no need to try and force yourself.

It might be especially uncomfortable without lube, so use some if you have it. And if you don’t, just go very lightly and gently.

If you’re wet at all, it may be helpful to put a finger at your vaginal opening and slowly move it upwards to your clitoris to spread your natural lubrication a bit.

Okay, so, if you’re right-handed, you’re going to start by getting a bit of lube onto your fingers using your right-hand fingers. Then, you’re going to use your left hand to lift up your clitoral hood gently towards your belly button. It might be helpful to lay down for this part of the exercise.

Then, while holding the clitoral hood up, touch your clit directly with your lubed fingers.

If you’re left-handed, you’ll do the opposite of this.

You can try different kinds of touch directly on your clitoris, just as you did over the clitoral hood. This time, though, you’re going to see what part of your clitoris is most sensitive, rather than experimenting with different motions.

So, imagine that your clitoris is a clock with 12 at the top towards your head and 6 at the bottom towards your feet. First, try gently stroking your clitoris at the bottom, around 6 o’clock.

You can move your finger slightly up and down or side to side.

How would you rate this sensation?

I’m going to give you some time right now to explore the 12 o’clock, 3 o’clock, and 9 o’clock positions, all with gentle up-and-down or side-to-side motions.

As you go, rate each sensation.

I’ll give you some time alone to do this for a few moments.

Very good… You’re doing great.

Try to be as honest and open with yourself as you can while rating each sensation.

It’s okay if you can’t choose a favorite. And it’s okay if you don’t like any of them.

Just a little bit more time here…

How was that?

Some people really enjoy light touches when it comes to direct clitoral stimulation. You may even feel as if you’re barely touching your clitoris at all. You can experiment with different levels of firmness in your touch to see what you like best.

Alright, one more exercise to go. Now, we’re going to try some internal vaginal stimulation. For many people, this won’t be enough to produce an orgasm. But it can be, for some.

For others, penetration provides more of an enhancement to orgasms as opposed to causing them.

There are a few different types of internal sensations that can lead to orgasm. These include a classic in-and-out motion, the come hither motion, and no motion at all.

So, let’s get started. We’re going to want to coat our fingers in lube once again.

Make sure to take this part of the exercise slow and always stop or take a breather when something is uncomfortable.

Ready? Okay, let’s insert one finger inside your vagina.

I want you to gently push your finger upwards, holding it against the top wall of your vagina. Don’t move it, just feel it there.

Let’s rate this sensation. One of the most fun things about this exercise is that you’re likely to surprise yourself with the ratings you give each sensation. What you thought you loved, you might not end up rating very high.

Okay, now I want you to insert a second finger. And again, do not use any force here. If it’s too uncomfortable, you absolutely don’t need to do it.

How does that feel? Does adding a second finger enhance the sensation? Or no?

Go ahead and rate this sensation.

Alright, next, we’re going to try the come hither motion. If you’re comfortable with two fingers inside, you can feel free to leave them, but if you’d like to go back to one finger, feel free to do that now.

With whatever fingers are inside of you, slowly, gently caress that upper wall of your vagina. You might feel a small velvety patch of skin while you’re stroking yourself.

This would be the G-Spot. Don’t worry if you don’t feel it. Like I said, everyone is a little different when it comes to anatomy.

Alright, let’s rate the come-hither sensation.

Got it? Perfect, last one.

With either one or two fingers inside, move your fingers slowly in and out of your vagina. You should be trying to mirror the way a dildo or penis might move during intercourse.

Perfect. And now let’s rate that sensation.

Ironically, even though this is the motion that many people are expected to enjoy since it emulates intercourse, many people actually prefer the come-hither motion or none at all.

Okay, now, for the grand finale! We’re going to combine whichever of these three types of internal stimulation you enjoyed best—come hither, in and out, or no motion—with your favorite clitoral stimulation from earlier.

So, consult your notes, if you took any, and pick which of the clitoral stimulations you enjoyed best.

Here’s a little refresher if you need it: there’s clitoral stimulation over the hood with clockwise or counterclockwise circles, left to right, up and down, diagonal from top left to bottom right, and diagonal from top right to bottom left. We also talked about direct clitoral stimulation on different parts of the clit, imagining it as a clock.

Go ahead and take a moment to choose your favorite of each.

Got them? Alright, take a few moments to stimulate your clit and penetrate your vaginal opening at the same time with your chosen motions.

That’s great, keep going…

Perfect. How was that? You know what I’m going to say…

Rate that combined sensation.

Alright, now I’d like you to take your fingers out of your vagina and try the clitoral technique on its own. We’re trying to get a sense if you enjoy clitoral on its own or as an enhancement to penetration.

Take a moment to try that out.

We’re learning so much about ourselves today.

Okay, now I want you to try the reverse. Try just penetrating yourself with your favorite motion.

We’re trying to figure out if you enjoy vaginal stimulation on its own or in combination with clitoral stimulation. Remember, there’s no right or wrong answers to these questions.

Okay! Congratulations. Give yourself a pat on the back. Or, um, pussy.

You’ve just learned a lot. You should now, hopefully, know exactly what type of stimulation gives you the most pleasure, and quite possibly, what is most likely to lead you to an orgasm.

The more we understand our body and what gives it pleasure, the better we can communicate this to other people.

When this recording is over, feel free to continue experimenting with these motions and playing around with your favorite one.

Take some time to review your ratings and see if there are any patterns you notice or if there’s any insight you’ve gained from trying out all of these different motions today.

It’s worth noting that you might not have learned anything today, and that’s okay. It takes time to get a good understanding of our bodies. Our relationship to pleasure is constantly evolving.

And don’t worry if none of these stimulations leads to orgasm or even comes close. Orgasms, much like all things in life, require hard work and practice. Sometimes they come easily, but most of the time they take a sophisticated understanding of anatomy and lots and lots of practice.

I hope you have fun in your sexual exploration. If you have a partner, I encourage you to share what you learned with them today. And, if you need any extra help, you can find me at my website, www.suzannahweiss.com.

Contact me for love and sex coaching or sign up for one of my courses.

Goodbye, and wishing you lots of pleasure.