On the Train

Finally.

So glad I got the window seat.

Got my headphones… Charger… Oh, there’s that eyebrow pencil I thought I lost.

This is going to be so nice. Three hours all to myself…

I can just zone out, listen to music, look out the window…

I’m really looking forward to not talking to anyone for, like, the rest of the day. Why was this morning so stressful?

My mom bustling around trying to fit as many leftovers as possible into my bag, my dad shouting at us to hurry up or I’d miss the train, the dog barking at the neighbor’s cat… All that made it a pretty tense morning.

I guess I’m also a little sad that I'm leaving again. It’ll be great to get back to my dorm, but… I definitely miss living with my family and seeing all of my old friends when I visit home.

I’m so grateful I decided to book the earlier train instead of the one later tonight. Way less people than usual on the weekend train right now, which is nice. I haven’t had any privacy in the last few days.

That reminds me… I definitely won’t have any privacy back in my dorm room, which is unfortunate because I was really horny this weekend.

I’m not really sure why. I mean, I always get horny before my period, but I just had it last week, so I don’t think that’s it.

Maybe… it was because of him. I mean, there’s always been something between us. And seeing him this week was… intense, as always.

Okay, I’m not going to think about that. Not like I can do anything about it anyways.

Just going to shut my eyes… listen to that playlist I made last week…

Oh my god. Seriously?

This is the song that was playing when we… When we were dancing at the back of the bar.

God, that was such a good night. Seeing everyone again after being gone for so many months… Getting to be so close to him… hearing his voice… ugh, and that stupid smile I’ve always been obsessed with.

Everyone always said that it was obvious we were meant for each other, but… nothing ever happened between us.

Before, when I was single he was with someone. And when he was single I was always with someone else. The timing was always just a little off with us… but I can’t help thinking about what could have been… Fuck, his lips felt so good. The pressure of his hand against my back…

Damn, I have to stop thinking about him. I’m starting to get worked up, and there’s nothing I can do about that on this train.

Although, I am at the back… and it isn’t as busy as it normally is… the attendant already checked my ticket before I got on, so I know she won’t be coming around…

No, no. It would be completely out of line for me to… deal with this… excitement right now. What if someone saw me?! Could I get kicked off the train for that? Probably.

Okay, whatever. I’m seriously done thinking about him. There’s plenty of things I can do instead…

Gotta plan out that essay I’ve got due next week. Yeah, that’ll work. Nothing like 19th century literature to calm the nerves.

Alright, the topic I chose was… The portrayal of love and desire in Wuthering Heights. Great. A whole essay about desire…

Well, I just won’t think about what happened between us this weekend. I can think about love and sex and keep it strictly academic, right? Yeah, okay. I can do this.

No, I can’t. I want to think about him. I want to think about that kiss… what it could have led to…

It was like we were the only ones in the room that night… Like we were literally drawn to each other. Fuck, when he pressed his body up up against mine and backed me into the wall… His hand sliding down my back and grazing past my ass…

The back of his neck was damp with sweat and there were masses of people all around us, but I didn’t care. I just… wanted him.

God, when I pressed my hips into his and felt his bulge up against me. Fuck, that was so hot…

And once we started kissing… I couldn’t stop. His hand felt so good in my hair. And his knee sliding between my legs so I could ride him.

It had been so long since I felt such intense desire for someone.

I couldn’t control myself, which was exciting but… kind of terrifying.

That feeling of the music pulsing around us while his hand slipped between my legs… The excitement of being together in public, kissing and touching, it was all so overwhelming.

His fingers trailed along the outside of my panties… teasing me. And then the music stopped. It was last call.

Ugh, what would have happened if we hadn’t been interrupted? I would have loved if he took me to the bathroom and fucked me, right there in that bar, with all our friends waiting on the dance floor…

Fuck, I’m getting wet… but it feels so good to think about him.

I shift around in my seat a little… Fuck, if I squeeze my thighs together I can give myself a little bit of relief… But it’s nowhere near enough.

What would he have done if we could have gone home together? Would he have kept teasing me…? I can just imagine his hands undressing me… His fingers pinching my nipples as I writhe beneath him…

It was so fucking sexy to see the lust in his eyes as I danced on him and pushed my ass against his cock.

How would he have reacted if I’d been able to let loose and moan as loud as I usually do when I cum?

Fuck, I still have three hours until I get home… And that memory is playing on loop in my mind. I’m not sure I can stand three hours without doing something about this…

There’s no one in the row next to me. No one behind me. The closest person is two rows ahead.

I mean… I have my jacket here… I could put it over my lap and—

No. No. I can’t believe I’m even considering that.

But… how likely is it that someone will see me? The restrooms and the cafe car are in the next compartment. No one really has any reason to come back here…

If I move my fingers very… very slowly… I think I could get away with it.

I slip my hand beneath the waistband of my skirt as quietly as possible.

I part my lips with one finger and just… let it… linger on my clit.

Fuck…

That’s it… No one can see. If I just stay quiet… and keep my fingers going slow… then everything will be fine.

God, it is hard to not make any noise. I drag a little bit of my wetness down from my opening and up to my clit. There we go… Just circling it… slow… nice and slow…

I wish it were his fingers inside of me…

Mmmm, shit. Oh, this feels so good.

Fuck, I wish I could touch my nipples. If I were alone right now I would be squeezing them, rubbing them between my fingers… pulling on them…

I tilt my head back against the headrest and shut my eyes. I can almost picture him above me, his cock buried inside my pussy, spreading me open wide…

Would he be rough with me? Or take his time and touch me with gentle hands? I wonder what his cock looks like…

I move my fingers a little faster and work my clit a little harder. Oh, god… I… fuck, I need him. I need his cock.

I need to feel his hands holding my hips still while he fucks me. I need to feel his warm, wet mouth on mine.

Oh god, I’m getting close.

I can see him kneeling in front of me and spreading my legs open, hiding his head under my skirt.

Yeah… fuck, yeah… I—I need it… I need to feel his tongue on my clit…

I don’t care if anyone sees me anymore. I lay a hand on my breast and turn towards the window. I squeeze my nipple, hard, while I finger my clit.

Shit, I’m so close… faster… faster…

I want to feel him cum inside of me… I want to feel his cock throb and twitch and…

Holy shit.

I can’t believe I did that.

I slowly pull my hand out of my skirt and wipe my juices off on my jacket. I’ll definitely have to wash that as soon as I get home…

I look around and… no one is even remotely interested in what I’m doing back here. I think I did it. I think I was quiet enough.

I lean back in my seat and let my body slowly recover. God, that was… incredible.

I don’t know how long I can wait to have the real thing. I reach for my phone and draft a quick text to him. I think I may tell him just how much I enjoyed thinking about him on my train ride home… in as much detail as possible.