Holiday Heat

“Hi Rose, it’s Amelia. I just double-checked my calendar and, yep, we’re in the clear. We’re really doing this. Tomorrow I board a flight for London. Trade this busy city life for your quiet country cottage. Are you ready to swap lives?”

“Hello Amelia, that’s brilliant! Yes, I’m ready. I’ve stocked the cottage with mince pies, tea, and firewood. Oh, and there’s a cat. He’s not technically mine, but he lives there too. And most importantly, there’s no men around. Just like I promised.”

“That sounds perfect. I’ve got a drawer full of takeout menus and lots of expensive wine. Should make you feel right at home in New York... ”

“It’s been years since I’ve taken a day off, much less a holiday. My boss thinks I’ve gone mad. I think I just need to breathe.”

“You and me both. My boyfriend… ex-boyfriend…moved out last week. So yeah, I’m ready to trade heartbreak for sheep and silence.”

“Sheep and silence- that’s us, especially this time of year. Just add in a little snow and you’re all set. You’ll fit right in.”

“Here’s to new addresses and second chances for us both.”

“Cheers to that. Happy almost-Christmas, Amelia. Have a safe flight.”

“Ah! Oh my god… mud.”

I stumble out of the most terrifying taxi ride of my life and right into the muddy road as the taxi speeds off without a backward glance.

I tug my suitcase, pulling hard against the squelching snow and mud that coats the driveway… which is long, windy, and alarmingly uphill.

I am not wearing the right shoes for this. I don’t even think I own the right shoes for this.

“Who even builds a house this far from anything… or anyone?”

“Oh! Right, a sheep. Perfect. Exactly what I asked for… I guess. ”

Despite my protests, the driveway opens up onto the most picture perfect English cottage I’ve ever seen and a sense of awe overrides the jetlag and frustration.

“Welcome to England. The key’s under the red flower pot. Sorry about the mud, it gets a bit wild after a big snow ”

“A bit wild? Rose, it’s a marsh”

I shake my head, send her a quick ‘thank you’ text. I find the flower pot, seemingly handpainted, next to the door. I lift it to find a heavy cast iron key that looks like it could unlock a past life instead of a cute country cottage door.

The key turns easily in the lock and I open the door, hoping beyond hope that something good awaits me inside.

“Alright, red key… silver lock.”

This is… unreal. From the second the taxi dropped me in front of this building, I have felt like I stepped into another world. The sleek skyscraper nearly disappeared into the low grey clouds and the polished, modern interior felt just as dreamy. I slip my shoes off, I don’t want to track the filth of flights and overseas travel into this immaculate flat. These floors look shinier than the mirror in my cottage. I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s so fancy.

I can’t even call this place a flat. It’s a … A dream. I mean, I’ve seen flats smaller than the lift I took to get here and… wow, look at that view. I can see the Empire State Building! From every room! I can’t believe this. I never imagined I’d be spending Christmas in New York City.

“And in a place like this, in a time like this. The last few months have really been, well, trying to say the least. Meeting Amelia and getting the chance to trade lives for a little while… I feel like I can breathe as I look out across this polished space, so unfamiliar to anything I’ve known before. ”

There’s no ghosts here. No expectations. And for now, I feel like I can breathe. It’s just me, this view, and a bed that looks like it’s made of

“Oh, what’s this?”

“You did it Rose! You survived customs, jet lag, and the cab ride. My clothes are yours, so have fun, look fabulous, and live a little. Oh, and there’s a Christmas party tonight. My neighbors throw it every year. You can be anyone you want to be, you should go. I dare you.”

She even drew a heart… it’s got devil horns.

Normally, I don’t do parties. I don’t do dressing up and going out, drinking with strangers or taking chances. It’s just not me. “But maybe that’s exactly why I should do it

No one here knows me, and I can be anyone I want. I can be like Amelia.. powerful, bold and adventurous.

And suddenly, I realise I want that more than anything. I want to feel like I belong here, in New York, in this expensive apartment and in this life.

“Oh my god, what is all this… wow.”

Amelia’s closet is a sprawling, well pressed feast for the senses. It’s full of elegant dresses, suits and more shoes than I’ve ever seen in one place.

“There’s no way these heels are practical but, wow, they’re stunning.”

“Alright, Amelia. Tonight, I’ll be the party girl. I’m saying yes.”

“Okay, logs…check. Matches… check. YouTube tutorial on fire-making… check. Cozy evening? Not so much…. If I could just…”

“Right, that’s it. I’m officially in a fight with wood… and losing.”

I toss the box of matches to the ground in defeat. This cottage is precious, positively idyllic - but I don’t know what I was thinking when I agreed to this. I’m a city girl. I’ve never built a fire, or run a bath from taps older than my country. It’s picture perfect but… Absolutely freezing.

Maybe warmth is overrated. Maybe… maybe I just need to freeze the heartbreak out. Yeah, that’s it. Maybe frostbite builds character. This is character building.

“Oh for… who is here? Why is anyone…”

My thoughts short circuit when I realise there’s a man at the door… and right now, a man is literally the last thing I want to see.

I wasn’t expecting anyone, and I’m definitely not interested in unexpected guests dragging… what even is that? What did he bring?

“Hey Ro– You’re definitely not Rose ”

“How observant of you.”

“But this is… definitely… Rose’s house. I’m sure of it…right? ”

“Yes. This is Rose’s house, but I’m not Rose. I’m…. a friend. I’m… she’s not here, do you need something?”

“Right! Yes, I’m Nick. I live up the lane, run the tree farm just there… and this..is your Christmas tree. Where would you like it?”

“My what?”

“Your Christmas tree. Rose orders one every year, of course. Wouldn’t be Christmas without one. Now, where would you like it? ”

“No where. I don’t do Christmas, or Christmas trees. Thanks though… if that’s all…”

“And I hear you… I do. But I promised Rose I’d drop this tree off today, and I’ve carried it all this way… in the snow… uphill. Both ways.Take pity on me, I just can’t bear the trek again ”

“You drove.”

“Huh. So I did”

“Fine. Just… put it wherever I can’t see it.”

“Sorry.. Excuse me… you’ll just”

With every move, the scent of fresh pine wafts toward me and I want to roll my eyes.

I wanted to forget about this stupid holiday, about men and joy and cheer. How am I going to do that with this… thing… taking up half this tiny cottage?

“There we go. Perfect.”

“If you say so”

But when I round the corner to join him in the living room, I see him kneeling in front of a now roaring fire.

“Seems you needed more than a Christmas tree. I’ve got this going now. Think you can manage to keep it warm? ”

Probably not, but I’m not telling him that.

“I’ll find a way. Now if that’s all... ”

I look toward the door meaningfully, trying hard not to roll my eyes and hoping he’ll just go.

“You’re not from around here are you?”

“New York.”

“Ah. That explains the heels. And your winning Christmas spirit. ”

“Ha ha.”

And as I moved to push the door closed, I can hear him on the other side…

“Merry Christmas, New York.”

“Alright, dress- check. Lipstick- soooo far out of my comfort zone… but check. Heartbeat- wildly unhelpful.”

“I look myself over in Amelia’s all-angles mirror. I’m actually not sure I’ve ever seen so much of myself, but even at all these angles and in this dress thats… Way shorter than I’m used to…. I like what I see. ”

“Alright Rose, you can do this. You can be confident. Charming… Sexy. And try not to faint ”

“Wow…”

The lift doors opened to the most magical scene I’d ever seen. It looks like a winter wonderland but despite the snow falling, the rooftop terrace was warm. A canopy with twinkle lights and heaters dotted about made it feel like I’d stepped into a snowglobe. Or an entirely different life.

Which I guess was kind of the point of all this.

“I stepped into the party, taking in the well dressed groups chatting and laughing around heaters with drinks filled to the brim and tables overflowing with snacks and seasonal decor. Everything looked flawlessly festive.”

“Hey there, you must be Rose? Amelia said you might stop by.”

Especially the tall, handsome man walking right toward me, eyes twinkling in the low light with an inviting smile as he stops beside me.

He openly takes me in, and I want to run. I want to pretend I don’t realise he’s speaking to me. But, this is my first chance to try on the new me and instead, I hold his gaze, and smile back.

“Indeed, I am. Lovely to meet you…. ?”

“Benjamin, or, Ben. Welcome to our annual rooftop Christmas soiree. With that lovely accent, you must have come a long way.”

“I did. But glad to be here. Thank you for inviting me, I’ve never been anywhere like this. ”

“A Christmas party? Or New York?”

“Both, actually. Never been to a party where the floor’s heated and the people sparkle.”

“Well here, a little liquid courage might help.”

“Ah, thank you. I could definitely use it.”

“And for what it’s worth, you sparkle too”

The heat of the fire warms my bones and I curl into the soft blankets on the couch, trying to shake off the chill of being alone and somewhere new for the holidays.

“Alright, it’s not loneliness Amelia. It’s peace and solitude. It’s a chance for healing. A solo retreat for the senses. ”

My feed is full of aesthetic holiday decorations… well trimmed trees, little festive crocheted animals and home hosting tasks that—

“Oh you must be joking.”

Seeing my ex on my feed is the last thing I wanted. Cheery posts with his new girlfriend… I’m my own worst enemy sometimes as I click to expand the post.

“Lovely. Hashtag fresh start. Hashtag blessed. Hashtag merry in love. Oh and he’s tagged her. How cute”

I can’t believe I cared so much about someone like him, who thought luxury labels and late nights at the office were personality traits, and that deceit was a good substitute for effort.

He was the worst. The whole reason I’m trying to avoid men and… If I’m honest with myself, probably also the reason I was so awful to that Christmas Tree guy earlier… Nick?... Ugh, he probably thinks I’m a total grinch now..

And to be honest, I kinda was. He was being kind, bringing in the tree and even getting the fire going.

I could apologise.

I probably should apologise. I can march right up to his Christmas tree farm, and just tell him…

“I’m sorry for being so aggressively anti-christmas… It’s just that last year, my– actually it doesn’t matter. I just hate Christmas but that’s not your problem, so I’m sorry.”

That’s normal behaviour right? Like super normal.

Tomorrow. I’ll go tomorrow.

And I’ll wear more sensible shoes.

“Not what you were expecting, is it? I know, I know, I said a drink, but I’ve got a few. I wasn’t sure what you’d like, so I brought options.”

“How thoughtful of you. Thank you.”

“Wow, this is gorgeous.”

“Second most gorgeous thing here tonight.”

I freeze mid swallow, taken aback when I realise he’s holding my gaze, gaze and smile both soft and sweet as he watches his compliment land. I can feel myself blush ferociously- surprise, interest and disbelief all swirling like butterflies in my chest.

I should say thank you. I should say something. But I have no idea what to say, men like this aren’t usually so forward with their attentions when it comes to me. But, I’m not usually this version of myself either.

“You’re very kind, Ben.”

“And you’re very beautiful, Rose”

“My breath catches and I don’t know if it’s his words or the way his eyes are sparkling in the low light. Maybe it’s the freezing New York air or my boldness, I don’t know, but I want to kiss him. I want to know what his kindness tastes like, and I look up at him, lips parting as he dips his head like he’s going to kiss me and I briefly wonder if he can hear my thoughts. ”

“OH!”

I jump, startled by the abruptly festive music, and it breaks the spell. <brief pause> Or maybe I imagined it, because when I meet his eyes again he’s smiling, charming as ever, but he’s leaning back, relaxed.

“Like nothing almost happened. ”

“So how are you enjoying the party?”

“He slides the first drink out of the bedazzled flight board he’s holding, passing me the shimmering glass of bubbles as I smile up at him before taking a moment to truly take in my surroundings. The city skyline beyond the rooftop, the twinkle lights and this handsome man are all here, right in front of me, tonight. It all feels like possibility, like it could be mine for the taking if I just reached out and took it. More than a small part of me wonders what he’d do if I did just that. He’s right there, I could just…”

But that’s crazy. It would be crazy to kiss this stranger just for his kindness. I don’t do things like that… which might be exactly why I want to. And really, what have I got to lose? My heart is racing, but there’s nothing stopping me from being anyone I want to be tonight.

“Honestly? It’s absolutely spectacular. The view, the vibe, the music. And the company? Immaculate, I must say.”

“Well I’m certainly glad to hear it, can’t have gorgeous women leaving my party disappointed.”

“He watches me as I lift the champagne to my lips, drinking delicately at first, but it’s gentle and fizzy, the perfect liquid courage and I find myself downing it in one long sip. ”

“That was… certainly something. Trade you a fresh one?”

“I lean toward him, extending the long stemmed champagne glass out to take the wine he’s offering when-”

“Oh no! The wine.”

I lunge to catch the glass, stumbling over my own shoes to send myself careening into the puddle ... In my gorgeous silver dress.

“Oh my god, Rose, I’m so sorry! I’m usually more coordinated, I can’t believe… here, let me help you up.”

“It’s alright, at least it’s a red. Would hate to make an impression and not even leave a mark”

The party is so busy that our commotion goes unnoticed by most of the other participants and I look down at myself, trying to figure out what to do next, but Ben reaches out and grabs my hand.

“Come here, this way. There’s a lounge just off the rooftop here, it’s private. We’ll see what we can do to clean you up”

He leads me into a small, private room that’s just as private as he promised and I catch sight of myself in the mirror.

“Oh goodness, I look like a crime scene in sequins.”

“Honestly, it’s working for you.”

“Is it now? Well at least one thing is. This isn’t even my outfit. I borrowed it from Amelia.. ”

“And let me guess, she wasn’t looking for a merlot-inspired redesign?”

“Probably not.”

“As he pats at the stain on the now ruined dress, I stop noticing the chill of the wine or the lights of the party outside. Instead, I’m noticing him. How gentle his hands are, the warmth of his touch… how close he is in this space. ”

“I really am sorry.”

“It’s alright, it’s just a dress.”

“He’s already close, but he moves just a little closer. Now we’re nearly touching, and I can feel the warm kiss of his breath on my cheek as his eyes dip. He’s looking at my mouth, his gaze raking over every detail of my face and I’ve never been more aware of a man. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. But I can’t look away. I don’t want to move and ruin this moment.”

“Can I make it up to you? I’ll have it dry cleaned. And maybe I can walk you home, just to be safe.”

“I’d like that.”

“What I’d really like is to be brave enough to ask him to do more than walk me home. To come back with me, to let me prove to myself and to him just how daring I can be. I want him to say yes to me, but I don’t even know how to ask. So instead, I take the coat he’s offered, and I let him wrap it around my shoulders as he leads me to the lift. ”

“You know, I’m not sure I’d be escorting a city woman so politely home if I’d spilled wine on her. Are all English women this forgiving?”

“Not all, only the really tragic ones, I guess.”

“You don’t seem tragic to me.”

“No? What do I seem then, Ben?”

“I see the way my question sparks his imagination and his gaze drops to my lips, then down my body again before he answers. ”

“You seem brave. Bold. Unbelievably beautiful… and Irresistibly kissable.”

“Then why aren’t you kissing me?”

Before I have time to regret my boldness, he kisses me.

I pull back from the kiss reluctantly, and I’m delighted to see the desire etched in every plane of his handsome face.

“That was…”

“I know.”

As I step out into the hall, it’s me who leads him this time, and I know exactly what I want.

“I didn’t want to stop. I still don’t.”

My mouth is on his before I can process that I’ve said it, his hands on my body, cupping and coaxing every soft curve until we are kissing with our entire bodies.

“Ben, do you want to come inside?”

“More than anything.”