Crashing with You

The view from your balcony is making me light-headed. Every time I look down, my head swims and I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach like the floor is about to drop out beneath me.

Maybe coming here was a mistake.

Maybe I should’ve just stayed and stuck it out in Philly, not run away, like I kind of tend to do when things go wrong…

“Hey, we finished off the red. You good with this… weird natural orange wine?”

“Oh, yeah, whatever’s fine.”

“Where did I even get this…? Whatever, it’ll get the job done.”

“Sorry, I’m drinking you dry, aren’t I? I’ll pick up some more later.”

“Please. I have so much random shit people have left at my house. I’m just glad I’m not drinking alone for a change.”

“And… glad to have a new temporary roommate for a little while, too. Cheers to that.”

“Very temporary. I promise.”

“All it took for you to come visit me was a little life crisis.”

“Oh, yeah, please, just roast the shit out of me. That’s exactly what I need right now.”

I wish I could say I’m happy to be here. I mean, I am.

I’m happy to be here with you. I’m just not happy to be… here, in… life.

God, it’s just crazy how things can change so quickly. Last month I felt like… I’d made it. I had a perfect apartment with the best natural light and that little coffee shop on the corner.

I was getting signals from my boss that I was going to get that senior manager promotion and a raise to match.

And I had a good relationship. Not great, but… good. It worked.

And then one thing after another came crashing down.

The promotion went to my co-worker. My landlord is selling the building and we all have to move out. And my relationship crumbled.

At least I have you to run to. You just… get me. It’s hard to put into words, but… you’re more than my best friend.

You’re… I’ve always felt something else between us. Something… intense.

“Oh my god… look who just matched with me. I didn’t know she still lived here.”

“Oh, god. Sorry, but she was one of the worst decisions you ever made. Why did you ever swipe right on her?”

“I don’t know, she seemed fun. In a chaotic evil kind of way.”

I haven’t been good at keeping up with friendships from college, but you and I have stayed solid. We might live in different cities, but we can go months without talking and then pick up right where we left off, like no time at all has passed.

There’s something about you that I’ve always found comforting… stabilizing. We didn’t get close until our senior year when we both came out as bi. After that we were completely inseparable.

When everything started falling apart in Philly, I just couldn’t stop thinking about coming to see you in New York. Like, as soon as I got here, I’d be able to breathe again.

“You know you’re going to be fine. Right?”

“Yeah, I’ll figure it all out.”

“I know I’ve said it a million times already, but you can stay here as long as you need. Seriously.”

You flash me a smile and… I just forgot what I was going to say.

“Want one?”

“Oh… yeah, sure.”

I watch your hands as you take a cigarette out of the pack and place it between your lips. Your hands… I’ve never really noticed how… elegant they are.

Hmm. The wine is giving me… weird thoughts…

You hand me the pack and a lighter and our fingers brush. They’re soft… and warm… I kind of wonder what it feels like to be touched by you.

You’ve had a lot of hookups over the years… and I’ve heard the details of every single one. But, I’ve never really thought about… what you’re like.

Okay, I gotta relax. I’m spiraling. Thinking about you… like that… no, I can’t handle that right now.

Not with my life falling apart at the seams.

“Oh, god. I feel like such a fuck up.”

“Hey, hey, c’mon. Ryan couldn’t see what a good thing he had right in front of him. And fuck your boss. Fuck your landlord, too.”

“I just don’t understand. ‘We’re growing apart,’—that’s what he said. Like what the fuck does that even mean? It sounds like he took it from a movie.”

“Yeah, it does. Corny.”

“God, I just really don’t want to start over again. It sounds so exhausting, getting back on the apps, going on a million first dates. I don’t know if I even remember how to flirt.”

“Of course you do. I’ve seen you work your magic. You’re a master at getting people to fall in love with you.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You are. You have, like, a whole routine. Here, this is what you do. First, you brush your hair back behind your ear, like this…”

“Uh-huh.”

“And then you lean forward… not close enough to make a move, but just far enough away to make them wonder.”

You’re looking right at me, straight into my eyes, and… you’re doing a good job. This must be what it feels like… to be wanted by you.

“You rest your chin on your hand, like this. And you cross your legs, but you do it in a way so that your ankle just brushes past theirs.”

“Mmhm.”

“And then… you put your hand on their leg as you lean in…”

A shock of heat shoots through my leg as your hand lands on my thigh. Fuck.

I’m… I can’t deny how good that feels.

I feel myself drawn forward… like your body has some kind of pull on mine.

There was always something between us… some intense connection… I never knew what it was. But now… I think I do.

I close the space between us and kiss you.

“Um… fuck.”

“What?”

“I just… I shouldn’t have… done that…”

“Respectfully, I kind of disagree.”

I pull back just a little, enough to see your teeth sinking lightly into your bottom lip. You reach forward and your hand smooths against my cheek. Your fingers drift down to my jaw as you lean forward and kiss me again.

“There’s always been… something… with us. At least, I thought so.”

My mind tumbles around a thousand conversations. Countless nights out. We’ve always been close. Always had such a strong connection…

And now I see why.

“Do you want to… go inside?”

“Yeah.”

My heart is racing. A million thoughts are fighting for space in my head.

I have so many questions, but… I don’t want to do what I always do, which is overthink.

No pros and cons list. I just want to focus on this moment… and see where it goes.

“My room’s a little messy, but—”

“I don’t care.”

Your hand curls around mine and you pull me behind you down the hall. I feel light and heavy at the same time. Like I’m in a dream. Or like I’m just waking up.

You sit down on the edge of the bed and lean back on your elbows, your legs falling open. Your eyes are dark and wide looking up at me, inviting me… I feel a jolt between my legs.

I stand between your legs and bend forward, placing a hand on each of your shoulders.

Your tongue moves in and out of my mouth as you tug me down onto the bed beside you. My mouth finds your jaw… your cheeks… your neck… I can taste the wine on your lips.

Your hand presses against the small of my back and dips beneath the fabric of my shirt.

All of this feels new, but… also familiar. I’ve seen your body so many times. Seen you half-dressed getting ready to go out. Seen you countless times in a swimsuit.

But feeling you this close to me… feeling your skin beneath my hands… it’s different. It feels… right.

You guide me backward and down onto the pillows. You situate yourself between my legs as you lean forward and draw my shirt up over my head.

For a moment, you just look at me, your eyes falling over my chest. Then, you lean forward and wrap your lips around each of my nipples.

I hold onto your hips, digging my nails into your skin as goosebumps prickle all over my arms.

Your tongue swirls over each nipple, tugging gently on them with your teeth. Your breath is hot against my chest.

You slide further down my body, tugging my pants down with you.

You take a moment to take off your shirt and unclasp your bra. There’s something so sexy about the way you look right now. Half-dressed, your hair tousled and spilling over your shoulders.

You press two fingers up against me… rubbing me through my underwear…

“Oh… shit…”

You lean forward and kiss the curve of my neck.

You dip your fingers beneath the waistband and find my clit.

“You’re wet… How do you like it?”

“Oh, just like that. You can go faster…”

You spread my wetness around with your fingers, gliding up and down. I feel more sensitive than usual. Every curl of your fingers into my clit makes my hips jerk and the muscles in my back tense.

“Fuck, right there…”

You push your fingers in me and slide them deep. It’s taking me a moment to relax into your thrusts… each time you sink deeper into me.

The room feels like it’s spinning, even when I shut my eyes. I pull you to me, pushing my chest against yours and rocking my hips into your fingers.

“Oh, that feels so good… Go deeper…”

“Like this?”

“Oh, fuck, yeah, just like that…”

“Can I grab my vibrator?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

“Hold on.”

“Hurry up…”

“Be patient.”

You hold up a black, silky looking vibrator and shake it at me. A clitoral sucker with an insertable bulb.

“Put it in me?”

I take the toy from you and sit up onto my elbows. I’m trembling a little as you straddle my thighs and hover over me.

I graze my fingers between your legs and work them between your folds.

“I love how wet you are.”

“You did that.”

I press the bulbed end of the toy against you and guide it down to your entrance.

I ease it into your pussy, watching your face react as it fills you up.

“Oh, fuck, yes…”

You reach between your legs and press the sucking end against your clit. It buzzes to life as you press a button along the shaft.

“Oh my god, fuck… fuck…”

Your eyes roll back a little as you lift my knees up and lie down with your face directly between them.

You push your mouth against my pussy and drag your tongue over my clit.

You suck my clit into your mouth. A white hot jolt of pleasure shoots through my lower body.

You spread my wetness around with your tongue, gliding up and down my pussy. Pushing the tip in and out of my entrance…

You’re riding the vibrator as you fuck me, rolling your hips into the bed and squeezing my waist in time with the vibrations.

“Oh, fuck, oh my god…”

“I want your fingers again.”

“Yeah?”

You push two fingers against my pussy and thrust them in.

“Another—oh my god, add another—”

You grind into the bed as you fuck me. My whole body is flush with heat. There’s a pressure building between my legs that I need to release…

“Oh, is that good? You like that?”

“Yeah, yeah, keep going.”

Your tongue moves faster and I lay my hand on top of your head, keeping your mouth close to my clit.

I’m so close to the edge… so close to letting go…

You crawl up onto the bed next me and I reach between your legs. I push the vibrator up against you and hold it up against your clit.

Your body rocks against mine, riding against the vibrator, pressing into it and me. Every moan you let out makes my chest clench.

“I’m close, I’m close—”

“I want to watch your face while you cum.”

You pull the vibrator out of you and lay your head on the pillow next to mine.

Our faces are just a couple of inches apart… so close that I can’t see all of you. You completely fill my vision.

“I guess we have a lot to talk about.”

“I think we’re going to need more wine.”