Letting Loose

“And he kept saying over and over again, ‘Just a little to the left, it’s so close, it’s so close!’ Eventually, the movers just gave up and left it on the doorstep.”

“I can’t believe they were even willing to try. So, moral of the story, a grand piano will not fit through a pre-war building hallway.”

My cheeks ache from smiling and laughing so much this evening. I can’t say it’s all been genuine—I have a bad habit of smiling when I’m nervous. And, as fun as you are to be around, you definitely make me nervous.

“Exactly. He was… an interesting guy to live next door to. More wine?”

You top off my glass without waiting for me to answer. You somehow always know what I want without me having to say it.

My life has changed a lot over the last few months and I so appreciate your presence and our weekly wine nights. You, my neighbor in this grand new apartment building, have been my only constant.

I’ve only been divorced for… what? Four months now? But I’m slowly starting to feel at ease with my new life as a middle-aged bachelorette. I have an ‘empty nest’ now, as they say. And for the first time in a long time… I feel like I can do anything I want.

After we sold the house and I moved into my condo, I was fully resigned to the idea that I would never date and never get married again. But that feeling has been… shifting lately. And I think I owe that all to you.

“God, it feels incredible out tonight. All that humidity was starting to get to me.”

“Mmm, I bet your plants are loving it.”

You shrug off your cardigan and expose your toned shoulders and the dip of your collarbone. I never in a million years would have noticed something like that on another woman’s body. But you… What have you done to me?

We’re so similar in some ways… so different in others. We’re the same age, just about. But you, from what I’ve gathered, have always dated women, while I got married to my highschool sweetheart.

You treat yourself to spontaneous weekend trips upstate. You're always coming and going, always have some cooking class, or yoga retreat, or something you’re late for.

I admire you in so many ways… You’re like a magnet, drawing me into your world like no one has really ever done before.

I think I have something of a crush on you.

“Hey… can I ask you something?”

“Yeah. Yes, of course.”

“Have you dated at all? Y’know, since the big ‘D’?”

“Oh. Since my divorce? Um, no, no. To be honest, I only ever dated my husband and one other guy, so I’m a bit clueless when it comes to that whole thing.”

“Oh, come on. I’m sure you’d have guys lined up down the block to spend an evening with you.”

Your smile makes my cheeks flush red. You lean forward and rest your chin on your palm. Your foot brushes past mine as you cross your ankles.

“That’s sweet of you.”

“I’m not trying to be sweet! I’m serious. You’re really beautiful.”

“Is it okay that I say that? That I think you’re beautiful?”

“Yeah… yeah, I… I appreciate that.”

Our eyes meet and… I’m not quite sure what’s happening. I feel so vulnerable when you’re looking right at me. Like you’re unfolding me, peeling back my layers to see what’s underneath.

You reach your hand out, slow, and gently brush out of my face a piece of hair that’s spilled out of my messy bun. My stomach tightens, heat pooling between my thighs as your fingers touch my face.

I lean forward, wanting more of your touch.

“I’ve wanted to tell you that for a while. That I really like you. But, I know you’ve been going through a lot. I know you have an ex-husband and I’m pretty sure something like this would be totally new to you, and I didn’t want to—”

Oh my god. Oh my god, what did I just do? I can’t believe I just kissed you…

“So… uh, that happened.”

“I can’t believe I just did that. I—I’m so sorry—the wine and—and talking about dating just made me—”

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. Don’t be sorry. I’m not.”

“You’re not? Okay… I’m not either.”

“Good.”

“Wait, why exactly are you not? I mean, I’m glad you’re not. But…”

“Like I said, I think you’re really beautiful and I… I guess I just think that there’s a lot of things you haven’t explored yet. I get the feeling that maybe there’s some things about yourself that you’re just about to discover.”

“Yeah… I know what you’re saying. I mean, I’ve never… there was this one time. But that was a long time ago. And now with you, it feels… well, you know.”

Your breath is warm on my face as your hand slides to the back of my neck and you draw me forward.

“I know…”

Your bare knee presses into mine and our bodies are drawn together. I feel… light headed… dizzy, almost.

Your mouth feels so good on mine.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah.”

My body tingles as your fingers slide through my hair at the back of my neck.

“Want to go inside?”

“Yes, please.”

My legs are wobbly beneath me as we migrate to the couch in your living room. I feel giddy, like I’m a teenager again.

“You’re really a gorgeous woman, you know that?”

It’s hard for me to believe those words, only because I haven’t heard them in so long.

But I love the way they sound coming from you…

I press my forehead to yours and let my tongue explore the inside of your mouth. Your fingers pull gently at the buttons of my shirt until it falls open.

I slowly draw a hand down your forearm… up to your shoulders I’ve admired so many times. I want to see more of you. I want you to see more of me.

The cool breeze coming in from the terrace makes my nipples hard almost instantly and I feel your eyes on them as you take in the sight of me.

Your fingers graze over my nipples as your palms close around my breast.

Any doubts or uncertainties I had about making love with a woman fade away as you guide me down onto my back on the couch.

Your weight on my body feels heavy and comforting.

There’s this look in your eyes as you lower yourself down to kiss me again.

Our bodies writhe against each other. You slide your knee between my legs…

I love how hungry you are for me. You make me feel so worthy… so wanted.

Your knee presses up against my clit… teasing me… giving me just a hint of what I want.

You hook your fingers into the lace of my underwear.

My heart is racing so loudly in my chest, I wonder if you can hear it.

I kick off my panties as you push my legs apart. The cold air feels good against the heat between my thighs.

“Please… please touch me…”

“Yeah? You want me to make you feel good?”

“Yes, please…”

Your fingers slide between my folds and tease me apart.

My clit throbs beneath your light touch.

“Ohhh, god, yes…”

You swirl two fingers over it, petting me in long, slow strokes.

“You like that?”

“Yeah, yeah, just like that… Keep going…”

My hips move in time with your hand, riding up and down against you.

Your fingers inch towards my entrance. I meet your gaze and give you a small nod. I want you in me. I want to feel you inside.

You pump your fingers inside me… up to the first knuckle… and then… all the way…

“Yeah, yeah—oh my god, yes…”

I connect my hands around the back of your neck, pinning your body on top of mine. Oh my god… this feeling… this is incredible…

You switch your focus back to my clit and rub it faster… faster…

“You feel so good… I love touching you…”

Your free hand lifts up to my breast and you pinch one of my nipples while you work my clit. Oh my god. That little bit of pain makes the pleasure that much better…

I pick my head up and kiss you, hard. I run my hands down your arms, your ribs, settling them on your hips.

“Keep going, keep going—”

Your fingers move faster, harder. I’m getting close… God, I can’t… I can’t take much more…

I keep my eyes closed as I catch my breath. I’m worried you might not be there when I open them. That this might be some elaborate dream I came up with.

“Hey. You alive over there?”

But there you are, smiling down at me. Your hand presses into my cheek as I sit up onto my elbows. My whole body is damp with a light layer of sweat.

“Yeah. I’m alive. Um… that was just…incredible.”

“Good. I thought so, too.”

I guess this was sort of one-sided with me receiving all of the pleasure. I want to reciprocate, but… I honestly wouldn’t really know where to begin. But god do I want to learn…

“Can I… is there anything I can do… for you?”

“It’s okay. I know you’re new to this. Let’s take it slow, hm?”

“You’re sure? I feel… I don’t know, selfish…”

“I’m positive. It’s not a transaction, you know? I loved making you feel good. I’m sure we’ll find time to focus on me later.”

You tilt my chin up and place a gentle kiss against my lips.

“So, do you believe me now? You’ll have men and women beating down your door if you decide to date again. Although… I kind of hope you don’t.”

“I believe you. Don’t worry, I have no plans of jumping on the apps anytime soon. I think for now… I’ll keep my dating life close to home.”