How to Talk About Booty Play

Hi. My name is Sophia. Today we’re going to talk about introducing anal play into your sex life.

Maybe you’ve been thinking about it for a while and finally want to give it a try. Or perhaps you’ve practiced anal with previous partners, but not with your current partner. Whatever your experience and interest level, it’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner whenever you want to try something new.

It’s not always easy to communicate these things - at times, it can feel awkward and overwhelming even for couples who regularly try new things. This is why we have created this series - we are going to give you the tools you need to build an effective and effortless flow of communication with your lover.

Before you present your partner with a brand new buttplug, there are a few quick and easy steps you can take towards making sure that you’ll have good, honest communication about the topic.

One of the first rules of communication is this: try not to spring this new desire on your partner unexpectedly or during sex. Anal play, much like BDSM, is not something that tends to happen in the heat-of-the-moment. These are activities that require a little bit of planning or preparation beforehand. Try, if you can, to be in a neutral setting when you broach the topic.Maybe take your partner out for coffee or go on a long, relaxing walk together.

The next goal is to make this as relaxed as possible. When you bring up the possibility of anal play or anal sex, present it in a low-stakes way without pressuring your partner into anything they might not want to do.

Your partner may be enthusiastic about trying anal together or they might be unsure about it. Whatever the case may be, the next step, after presenting the idea, is to give them some time to think it through. Offer them time and space to think about it, if they need to. Don’t abandon the topic altogether, but let them know you’re open to the idea when they are ready to discuss it.This gives them the opportunity to look into it on their own and educate themselves on what bringing anal into your sex life might look and feel like.

Once you’ve introduced the idea to your partner, a few things might happen. They might be really interested and excited about going on this new sexual journey together with you. Or they might not. If they’re not interested, that’s okay. It might be discouraging for you, but don’t let that affect your relationship, and don’t hold it against them.

If it feels appropriate, you might ask them about their reasoning for not being interested. Maybe it’s something you can work on together to make them feel more comfortable. However, don’t push them to explain if they hesitate or can’t explain exactly why they aren’t interested. Otherwise, just thank them for being open to the idea and letting you know how they feel.

No matter how this conversation goes, it’s important to express your gratitude to your partner for communicating their thoughts and feelings about the topic with you. If they are interested, schedule a time where you both can spend some time together to talk more in detail and maybe research some anal toys.

Relax on the bed with your laptop and a glass of wine for a fun, erotic exercise that will get you both excited for what’s to come. It can be really helpful to ask each other about your experiences with anal if you’ve had any.

If neither of you has had any previous experience, it can be helpful to talk about your expectations for what anal might look like in your sex life. Some possible topics of discussion might be who will be giving and who will be receiving, what about anal that excites both of you, and how often it might occur in your sex life.

You can also talk about toys such as butt plugs and anal beads. Most importantly, it’s during these conversations that you will want to set up any boundaries you or your partner might have surrounding anal.

Providing each other with a sense of safety and security is extremely important when expanding your sex life, especially when it comes to penetrative sex. Part of that safety and security should include hygiene. Coming up with an agreement about what the receiver’s pre-anal hygienic practices should be will help to make you and your partner feel more prepared.

If it’s your first time trying anal together, it can be helpful to start small. You could try starting off with non-penetrative anal foreplay such as fingering or tongue-play - these are really relaxed and fun introductions to the sensations of anal without the pressure of penetration.

Don’t be afraid to take things slow. Try anal foreplay out for a few sessions before venturing into penetration if you find that the sensations are too much to handle at first.

Now, to end this session, I’d like you to repeat after me…

“I can ask my partner for what I want.”

“I can communicate with open honesty.”

“I am worthy of pleasure.”

Good. I hope this session has given you some things to think about when it comes to introducing anal into your sex life. Indulge in your pleasure and see you next time.